A Work in Progress

On Saturday, for some reason (what I lovingly refer to as) the 'Crappiest ambulance company on Earth' was really busy. I hate when that happens. Well, I don't usually mind, but weekends are usually slow. Calls were apparently stacked up from here to kingdom come and everyone was freaking out. Everyone, except for me. They make their own bed, so I won't lose sleep over them scheduling 5 calls when they only have 3 trucks available. But, ironically, I did lose actual sleep over it. Oh well. My regular partner was shipped over to our sister company because they were understaffed as well. So, my partner for the evening was a CRT (I) who is a nice guy, but is partially deaf, and also a mumbler. Basically I couldn't understand a damn thing he was saying, and he couldn't understand a damn thing I was saying. I hated asking him to repeat himself, because I didn't want him to think I was making fun of him, so there were a lot of hanging questions, random po...

Caution: theology ahead. I was finally kayaking again. With the truck back, and the weather cooperating, I was back on the water, and it felt great. I went to a lake that is relatively new to me. It’s pretty big, with plenty to explore, and tons of great flora and fauna. My trip took an oddly philosophical turn. I was in the middle of the lake, paddling along, and I was suddenly struck with emotion. I felt so full of sorrow, and unexpectedly, I found myself asking God for help. Help for everything; to be unafraid, to move on, to be the person I want to be, to trust again. I poured out my fears to Him. I asked for forgiveness for the first time in my life. Forgiveness for being such a fool, forgiveness for all the mistakes I’ve made, for not fulfilling my potential. I was paddling, and crying, and praying. Frankly, activities I rarely combine. Even though most of what I was feeling was remorse and sadness, there was hope too. I could feel it. What is odd, is that I don’...

We had a call to take a patient from a nursing home to the ER for "abdominal issues." We went through the typical motions; go upstairs, get the story from the nurse, ensure that paperwork is in order, ensure that the nurse called the ER, and go to get the patient. We were sharply interrupted from this routine when we entered the patients room and she began to shout "I'm not going! I'm not going! I'm not going!" The story was that she had a colostomy recently, and when the wound was checked that day, it appeared that it was opening, and about to become an abdominal evisceration. (basically when your insides get on the outside...which, obvious to normal humans; is not good) We greeted her politely, and I asked her where she was, what day it was, etc. And to me, she was of sound mind. I told the nurse that if she continued to refuse, we could not take her. The nurse said "OH, she'll go!" At one point, there were at least six staffers in her ro...

Today the truck returned to me and was given a clean bill of health. Well, except that the tires are dry rotted, and there is still that damn ding in the windshield. To celebrate, we went out and got new tires. The ding, I’ll have to address tomorrow. This whole stupid accident only took 22 days and 48+ hours of labor to resolve. I’m here to issue a public apology to the truck for causing it to have such a long hospital stay. I am shamed. But we are now reunited…cut to flashback of Ellie running across the parking lot. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space. Cut to Ellie running across the parking lot, arms wide. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space. Cut to Ellie running across the parking lot, eyes welling with tears. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space. Cut to Ellie lovingly embracing the hood of the truck. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space while Ellie hugs it. (the embrace becomes uncomfortably long) Cut to Ellie slowly realizing t...

Last shift, amazingly I had an interesting day at work. We started the day out with a NICU transport. This wasn’t really a big deal, as the baby was being transferred to a hospital closer to its parents because it was getting better. Wait. This was actually a happy story! We got the baby there and all was well, but on the way back, we broke down. The truck started to idle like a Harley and was pouring out black exhaust. It was decided for us to stop and get towed. After a series of ridiculous events, including the always morale boosting sight of our ambulance on a tow truck, we found ourselves stranded briefly in a parking lot. This would have been fine if it hadn’t been 95 degrees out and we didn’t have a cot full of several thousands of dollars worth of equipment on it. What I liked the most about being broken down was that this particular truck was on its first day back after about 5k worth of work to the engine and a month of being out of service. We were rescued and got...

The prodigal bike has returned! I brought it into the bike shop yesterday, and after a little assessment the bike guy said: "You want to know how many times I've seen this? Never." I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. Turns out that the broken part was not exactly what he thought it would be. A rear derailleur can break, if abused, and usually at this one particular spot. It's usually pretty detrimental to the bike as it can bend into the wheel and cause damage to the rim as well. And it's about a $40 part. As my derailleur broke at the bolt, it was very strange, apparently, and we decided it was a factory defect. So, he replaced the whole thing, and expanded my knowledge of bike maintenance by about 500%. That afternoon I took it for a nice long ride, and everything was working great. Also, I started a part time job, made headway into finding a new full time job, ran into an old friend, and made and old cat happy.

Mere hours after my last post, I went to take the bike out, planning to visit my brother. I hopped off of one curb. A standard sized curb, nothing out of the ordinary, it didn’t have spikes, or sharp edges, or, um, anything that could be thought to be detrimental to the common human powered bicycle. The back tire came off the curb, and immediately something was wrong. The chain was hanging languidly from the gears. Damn! I thought, the chain fell off, I’ll never get it back on! Closer inspection revealed that something was far more amiss than the chain falling off. What I now know to be the rear derailleur, had broken completely off. Literally, the bolt holding it to the frame, snapped. I looked around, and found pieces of the bike that had fallen off and were strewn in the road. Clearly beyond my skills to heal, I went back upstairs and called the bike shop. This is where I learned that I don’t have much of a bike vocabulary at all. “The, um, thing connected to the gears, ...

For my birthday, I bought myself a new bike. I remember clearly my last birthday bike. It was white and pink, I was dead excited, and I rode the hell out of that thing. I think that I was eight. My last bike was a no frills bike and it served me well, but it was time for something new. So, I went down to a local bike shop and they gave me the hook ups with an ’08 Specialized Myka. (pictured above, although, I can tell you, it looks a lot better with mud caked on it.) I don’t really know much about bike brands, but it has front RockShox, and most of the other components are made by Shimano. I didn’t get disc brakes, because, well, they add almost $200 to the price. Maybe one day I’ll upgrade and get them installed. Since my birthday, I’ve taken it out everyday that I haven’t worked. We've had a lot of bonding time as I only work once every four days. I’ve found lots of fun things to do with it around my house, some nice steep climbs and a little creek that is great fun to...

I'm a little behind in posting pictures, to say the least. Considering that the last time I added, it was February, and that most of the new NH pictures are wintry scenes. But, there are pictures of me be being totally BA and bustin' a cap w/my 9. Fo sho! I love that you can see the shell casing flying in this pic, sweet! Also, I added some pics of kayak spots. Mostly pictures of Great Falls, VA. Okay, so calling this a 'kayak spot' is stretching it, but people do kayak it. Just not me. There are pictures of wild ponies on Assateague island taken from the Chincoteague bay. You can call them all Misty. New Hampshire Winter Kayak Spots

Things I’ve learned Providing your children with everything they need is not always the best course. Times of crisis help the important things show through. To feel loved and cared for is truly all I need to survive. Facing what you fear the most makes you a stronger person. I mean, it has to. An inherent need for independence is essential. Bitter people amuse me. False people make me angry. Sometimes you can give someone everything and it is still not enough. These people should not haunt you. I am tired of crying. Unconditional love is hard to come by; it should not be squandered. It is easier to be angry than to be sad. Kayaking is still the greatest activity known to man. Fishing gear can be replaced. Life is hard. I love my family immensely. There are not proper words to tell it. My insurance deductible is $250. J.K. Rowling is a genius. Getting flowers always feels nice. Life is good. It’s okay to feel confident and to feel afraid. I can make dinner. I am ready. Things ...

This weekend I should have packed it in, stayed in bed, and eaten ice cream like I wanted to. I worked on Saturday, and most of it was overtime which was nice. My only complaint is an odd one; I was bored most of the day. Okay, all of the day, except when I was sleeping. I generally avoided thinking about what the day could have been. I marked it in increments of time, and it passed. Hours good and bad will always pass. I left work and headed home. On the highway, I got a ding in my windshield. Rock versus glass made that painful little ‘crack!’ and I knew it had left a mark. To illustrate how I have been more myself lately, I only emitted one curse word, and decided to call someone to fix it on Monday. I surprised myself with my calmness and I took heart in it. The incident with the bug must have calmed my angered nerves. Later, I went to have lunch with some NH friends who were in town for, well, nothing. It was very nice as six of us ended up hanging out for most of th...

I am no stranger to crisis. I am a stranger, however, to personal crisis. But, when I have a call that bothers me, for example, I recite the mantra that I am having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation and I deal with it. (yay for CISM, lol) I have been dealing with what I believe I can safely call a big personal crisis over the last few weeks. This, unfortunately magnifies anything else smaller going on in my life. Tonight, something very physically small indeed. I went to get a coke to get me through my marathon reading of Harry Potter, and discovered what I believed to be the largest roach I had ever seen. Even in my Baltimore City days, I saw roaches more in large volumes, but never one this size. I, of course, scared it and watched in horror as it ran under the refrigerator. I was immediately in crisis mode. First, I ran to the bedroom to get the sturdiest shoes I could find, and rolled up my pant legs. Then I fished my Maglight out of my camping gear. Whether I ...

I feel compelled to write a little update. I love to write, and I love to have something to write about. Amazingly, my interfacility job gave me two interesting calls to write about. I haven't written those down yet, so this update is literally that; an update. I feel like things are a little better for me. I have moved into my own apartment, and I've turned a big, empty room into a living space that I really enjoy being in. I actually did some calls at work that made me feel worthwhile. I didn't expect that, and I hope it continues. I know that I am not alone. Love and hope and wisdom are all around me. I love to find them. I love to find them in unexpected places. Recently, I've felt hungry. I guess it's a good thing as I hadn't felt hungry for about a month. I've also cooked things and I hope to continue to expand my culinary skills outside the realm of hot pockets and peanut butter burritos. I feel like I am having fewer bad days. Or, th...

It's been nearly a month since my last update now. Things in my life aren't going they way I hoped they would, to say the least. It's amazing how quickly ones life can change. I knew exactly where my life was going. I was nearing the best thing so far; the thing I believed would bring me unparalleled happiness. But, in seemingly an instant, I now find myself with no direction. I am lost. So, my work in progress, I feel has stalled. I do have a new job, unfortunately it has, well, not been that awesome. In the next couple weeks I'll have a new apartment, and from there I hope I can sort out my new life. Although, it's not what I expected. I'm not going to stop the blog, I will try to write more. I bought a couch. And a kitchen table. It was hard to do it alone. Lots of things are hard. I'd like hope or closure, as I have neither. I've gotten lots of advice lately, some of it has helped. All of it has been given out of love, all of it is appre...

It was about 4am when we had returned from a call and I had just snuggled back into my sleeping bag, happy to be last up. Another medic came in and woke up his partner. “We have to go,” he said. “Someone is smashing into peoples’ cars outside.” Suddenly, I was awake, but awake as I was I couldn’t remember where I had parked my car. I hastily put my boots back on and followed the rest of my curious colleagues outside. Most of the parking for work was on the street, and there were a few spots behind our building. By the time we were led outside I remembered that I was parked on the street and vulnerable to this mysterious car smashing. Luckily, we headed in the opposite direction of my car, to where two cars were parallel parked on the street. It appeared that someone (in their vehicle) had rear ended the car parked on the end. That car was pushed into the one in front of it. The first car was pretty much destroyed. The frame was bent, the front and rear bumpers...well, the rea...

We got a call for a fall. It came out as an ‘alpha’ response which means that the call was categorized as non-emergency and we go sans lights and sirens. The call was in a local apartment building. We got into the building easily as it was the middle of the day and there were lots of people milling around the lobby. We got upstairs and to the apartment and heard a tiny voice coming from the other side of the locked door. “I’ve fallen and I can’t get to the door!” Crap. We both tried the knob again in vain, just to make sure. I went back downstairs, certainly someone there could get us a key of some sort. “Um...do any of you know where I can find the leasing or maintenance office? I need a key.” “Sure. Are you a relative?” I look down at my uniform and radio just to be sure they were still there. “No, someone called 911 and we need to get into the apartment.” “Oh, well whose apartment is it? “Um...I don’t no.” I said slowly as I glanced at the ambulance outside. “Oh right, ...

My last weekend in New Hampshire was a rainy one. Not quite as much rain as last spring in southern NH, but enough rain to destroy roads, flood houses, and generally make a mess. I drove around on the second day of rain trying to get pictures of a nearby river, but all the roads around it were closed due to its flooding. The next day, I went to work and probably had the coolest call ever. Wait, time for a little more set up. There is a river in our town that is considered “running” at 6,000cfs (cubic feet per second) and “very high” at 11,000cfs. While I was at work that day, it was running about 25-30,000cfs. Needless to say, that’s ridiculously high and fast. We were still at the hospital after a call when our next one came in for a river rescue. Not only a river rescue, but one involving three kayakers. I must admit I was pretty excited. So excited, I drove to the staging area in about 3 minutes. The details were limited, but apparently some kind citizen had seen two ove...

Oh, what a neglectful blogger I have been. I somehow became one of those bloggers who update only once a month. And that update is merely full of apologies and excuses for not blogging. Apologies I have. (Sorry to you few faithful readers!) Excuses, I don't. I haven't died, fallen off the face of the earth or quit blogging. I have simply been lazy. Updates to follow! More and more updates! More updates than you'll know what to do with! So many updates you can bottle them up and save them for a rainy day, you could eat them for breakfast, wax your car with them. Enough updates to...to...well, at the very least there will be updates, more than one every three weeks. In the mean time, some google search terms: "new hampshire colloquial sayings" Um, I can't really think of any. Maybe my NH peeps can help me out. I can only think of paking the ka an tha' laan. But that's not really a colloquial saying. "free pictures of thoracotomies...

Ah, the move. I picked up Ewing after work and the next morning we went to Maine. We stopped at Old Orchard beach and then went to LL Bean. Amazingly, we didn’t buy anything unexpected. We also got some good clam chowdah in Freeport. We drove back home and went out to dinner with my roommates. The next morning we went to pick up the moving truck and when we went to leave, it wouldn’t start. The guy realized that he had left the lights on the night before and the battery was dead. He charged it for a few minutes and we were on our way. The truck wasn’t that bad; a/c that worked, and an am/fm radio. It was basically an ambulance, so I didn’t mind driving it at all. We packed it in a few hours with a lot of room to spare. We had Pisgah on the top of my truck and Kopapa in the moving truck. We left a little late in the day and headed into town so I could retrieve my pots from pottery class. We got to class and I found my teacher who told me that after last weeks class the kiln...

I was working 911 with my roommate and we were leaving a hospital when a call went out for a stabbing. It wasn’t our call and we almost squirreled it as it was close to our location, but we didn’t. Well, it turned out we didn’t have to. A second call went out to the same location also for a stabbing. So, off we went. We arrived pretty much seconds behind the first ambulance. We were all kinds of confused that they send two ambulances. The fire engine was already on scene and sounded a little harried when they called for the second bus. So, now the four of us trudged into the apartment building and upstairs. This kind of call is always on the top floor, and there is never an elevator. We let the first crew go in first as it was technically their call. A firefighter looking like a deer in the headlights pointed out one guy stabbed in the abdomen lying on the couch, very much alive. The first crew went to him. The firefighter then turned to me and my partner and said “You can c...