19 February 2015

Not My Emergency

I have been working for the past few months on a genuine ambulance, as opposed to being the ALS chase car.  I had not realized how much nonsense I'd been shielded from over the last eight years.  So many silly calls that I was canceled on before I even got there.  But now all of those calls are mine.  The good and the bad and everything in between.  So, I must thank all of those BLS crews for keeping my standards high, prolonging my faith in humanity, and staving off my own insanity.

The general public would really not believe what people call 911 for.  Growing up, my career goals were fed by Rescue 911 and ER. Fed by the genuine, 'I'm stuck in a laundry chute', or 'I am inches from death' type emergencies.
I still remember learning how to call 911 in kindergarten (or somewhere around there) and from then until I became an EMT, I believed that, like me, people only called 911 in an actual (universally agreed upon) emergency.  When I started really riding ambulances, I was shocked by two things.  The first was what people considered an emergency.  As it turns out, their definitions and mine were completely different.  They still are.  The second thing was that people would pretend to be sick or unconscious.  Why?  I would ask feebly, my naivete protecting me from drug and attention seekers.

Over the years, and stop me if I've said this before, I developed the understanding that people are different.  Some can cope with a crisis, some can't.  Some can make a sensible decision, some can't.  Some people enter adulthood with strength and poise and character and some don't.  I began to meet people and say to myself: "They believe this is an emergency.  I don't, but that's okay.  They still need my help."  Damn, that is sensible.  That is most assuredly, something they should teach in EMT class.  It's not an empathetic view as such, it's just practical.  After coming to this conclusion, I no longer got annoyed.  I just did the job and believe me, that is easier than dwelling on things outside of my control.  Too many times I've watched my colleagues attempt to 'educate' these people, wriggle out of doing work, or get mad about these types of things.  I quickly learned that it's just not worth it.  Just get the job done, life is so much easier.

I am writing this in the past tense, but that is misleading.  I still look at the job this way.  But, I can already feel my theory eroding.  I am still in a fairly rural, fairly slow area, but now I am seeing every call through.  There is no hope of cancellation.  It is a challenge of language to see if I can get people to make doctors appointments, get into their own car, or stay home instead without getting into trouble.  These three options seem manipulative, but some of these calls are...seriously dumb.  This is all while trying to convey that I genuinely care about their suffering, but I also geninely believe that going to the emergency room via ambulance is inappropriate.

Honesty is tricky in medicine.  Meeting patients and patients families expectations is difficult, especially when they believe an emergency has occurred and I don't.  You don't want me to think it's an emergency because that means something is seriously wrong.  I will take a calm, collected, precise, and deadpan medical practitioner over a jumpy, nervous, indecisive one any day.  That, and people with the flu don't want to be told that there's nothing anyone can do for them.  They don't want to know that they're exposing more susceptible populations by going to the hospital.  They don't want to hear that they will be suffering for a week no matter what.  And usually, I have to take them anyway.      

15 February 2015

Blogiversary 10

Like all previous blogiversaries, number 10, the one that deserved a party the most, has gone by without mention.  In fact, much to my shock and yours, blogiversary 9 was completely overlooked. But this year, I did remember and I did start this post on time, but then, predictably, I got distracted. At least these days I am getting distracted by actual things like education.  Who am I kidding.  Video games were the culprit, I'm sure. That or Top Gear.  Either way,  here we are.  Ten years on.  The modern gift is diamond jewelry.  Well, thanks blog for not getting me diamond earrings.  Oh, I didn't get you diamonds either?  Well, I gave you a fresh layout.  That should count for something!  Okay, let's not fight.  Love you too.

I know, the blog is not what it used to be.  If it ever had glory, it is certainly former. But...I have hope.  I have so much musing/whining about going back to college that surely that will fill a couple of posts.  Also in the next year I need to come up with some really good arguments for going to PA school (for entry essay) and I think I'll use the ol' blog to flesh them out.

And, having reviewed blogiversary 8, I had some big talk about a 'non-blog writing project'.  That is still going, believe it or not, and is periodically neglected just like the blog.  It isn't finished, but is actually pretty darn close.  Missing just a title (marginally important), a chunk of narrative toward the end, and some damn good editing/cleaning.  It is something I want to finish before I am "a qualified applicant for a PA program."   So that is still something for you, dear reader(s) for you to look forward to.

Outside of that...desperately seeking topics.

Happy anniversary, blog.  I miss you.  

26 January 2015

Back to School

In preparation for potentially, maybe, hopefully applying for and going to PA school, this year I'm going to be taking (and re-taking) some prerequisites.  I figure that that this is a necessary step,  a review for what I will actually need to retain now, and serve to ease me back into academic life.
I had my first class today.  I've been joking that I can't wait to be the older adult student who screws up the curve for everyone.  Today, though, I realized that I (at 31) just might be the oldest person in the class.  I sought refuge by sitting next to who is probably the second oldest person in the class who just so happens to be working on getting into PA school.  So, I'll have to kill her.
I am excited to take A&P again, after 10 years of secretly wanting to retake it because the material is so amazing, but so abundant that I definitely lost (or never had) much of it.
The class was fine and basically nothing happened.  I remember loving the first day of class, oh, a whole session dedicated to having a syllabus read to us.  But that was before!  Before I was paying for it. Before I felt the urgency to learn it all.  Teach me something, man!  It is funny how that attitude changed over the years. Also, when I went to buy books, I actually considered buying all of the supplementary texts, something I never would have considered in my 20's.  (Because only nerds did that).
You know?  I've never gotten rid of my old flash cards from my first A&P class.  Who's crazy now?

My second class of the day (and term), Microbiology was canceled due to weather.  First day back and already enjoying a snow day!  Result.  We'll see what fresh hell awaits me there on Wednesday.  (I am far less confident about that class).

Now, I'm going to find those flash cards.

21 January 2015

Calls Round-Up

Looking back in the blog, I see that I used to at least mention calls I'd been on that week/day/month.  Over time, I realized that all of this documentation could have gotten me in trouble. That, plus the novelty does wear off, even in a business like EMS. So, the call logs tapered off.  But, I also realize how many calls I've forgotten in recent years.  In fact, I've even forgotten the calls I've written about!

So, here are a few that I remember.  Closed broken ankle- single step won.  Open broken ankle, driveway won (but it was for a a good cause).  Great old crack on the head that looked like a murder scene...he was fine! (More or less).  A guy had a seizure and fell onto something that busted a huge gash in his face.  Insult to injury (or the other way around).  A lady with restless leg syndrome.  Yes, this is totally a medical emergency (did you get the sarcasm?)  A guy who 'bumped' his head and felt like going to the hospital.  I love it when people answer me with a shrug, then fail to take my advice.  Go ahead and wait in the ER for 8 hours, that doesn't bother me at all.  A kindly old lady with few ailments other than loneliness.  A lady with diverticulitis who actually hyperventilated herself into unconsciousness.  That was a first, but a relief for everyone.  A drunk pregnant lady who threw a trash can at her boyfriend.  

05 January 2015

College is for Everyone

Yes, I'm one of those assholes.  The one that says "Well, I know college isn't for everyone." while secretly thinking, "Except for my kids.  Only idiots don't go to college."
But the truth is, college isn't for everyone.  Countless non-idiots have made it their whole lives without going to college.  In fact, most people I know didn't go to college and they're doing just fine.  It's only weirdos like me who can't seem to get enough.

And the thing is, college is no longer a golden ticket to a 'successful' life.  I recently ran into an old friend I knew in high school.  She went to college and majored in (what I would usually phrase as) something useless like...drama.

I made that face.  That face that every asshole makes when someone tells me they majored in drama, or art, or dance.  That face that says "way to waste all of your money and four years of your life."  That face that says "How's working as a waitress working out?"  That face that tells them I have judged them for that major and that's just not fair.  I try to hide it, but I am a bad actor.  This friend even minored in something useless!  Then she got a master's in something useless!  Before I could feebly cover up my telling face, she stopped me.  "But you know, it's not like I was good at anything else.  What was I supposed to do, get a master's in chemistry?"

And that is it.  Why do we judge these people?  These creative types that we willing to sacrifice all of their money and four years of their life knowing that in the end they probably won't be doing the job they wanted.  Was my friend supposed to minor in biology or something?  Would that have opened doors for her?  Are all art majors supposed to fall back on something they're not good at?  So, to all of those people: I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that your dreams and talents didn't lead you to financial stability.  I'm sorry for all of those times I made that face.  All of those times you had to justify your dreams to assholes like me.  Thank you for being passionate about things that the rest of us take for granted.  

21 November 2014

A Few of My Favorite Things

Last week, I got to go to the EMS World conference in Nashville, TN.  More on Tennessee later.  But, like every time I have been to an EMS conference, I was left wishing I had my own ambulance service as well as absolutely unlimited funds.  I liked a lot of the things.  I wanted almost all of the things...except those that were totally absurd.  I am sure that my employer will hate that I went because I will only make safety oriented and expensive suggestions at budget time.  Some ideas I saw there filled me with a sense of urgency and the desire to completely change every ambulance I encounter.  I'll give you the top 5, not including the fake blood that actually clots.

1.  Lifts
This thing may look really silly.  But, I believe that it fills a huge void in our care.  We've all been on those calls when an old or overweight or frail person has fallen out of or off of or just fell and can't get up.  Classic, right?  Here's my usual situation.  This patient has fallen, usually behind a door, or between a king sized bed and a wall.  They don't have clothes on.  I mean, do they ever?  They weigh 300 pounds.  We bend down, grab under each arm and heave them into a standing position, pop them on a chair or something just as useless and call the job done.  This, of course potentiates injuries for the patient and ourselves.  And something in the presentation this products representative got to me....our common practice has a complete lack of dignity for the patient.

This device goes under the patient, inflates with the touch of a button and puts them into a chair. Boom.  Done.  From there they can be slid back into bed, onto our cot or wherever they need to be.  I saw them used in the UK, and before I am accused of rampant anglophilia....Well, okay I have it.  But, this thing is awesome and is gaining traction in the US.

2.  Handevy System
I'm kind of hook, line, and sinker here. The real beauty of this, is that we can basically make it at home.  The beauty of that is that the inventor doesn't care!  This pediatric ER doc was tired of being afraid of sick kids.  He decided to help himself, his hospital, and his EMS providers by streamlining a system of pediatric resuscitation.  It looks a lot like the Broselow system...only better.  Only easier to use, customized to your service, and not a hot mess when you begin to tear that bag apart.  I can't explain it all here, so just check it out.

3.  Clean all The Things
One of my biggest problems at work is the one I can't even see.  Germs.  Ambulances are gross.  Tools are gross.  People are gross.  At least one company has come up with a way to solve this problem.  Here is a (ahem $14,000ish) system that sprays your ambulance with decontaminating magic stuff as often as you want!  Every call!  Every day!  Every all the time!  Must clean all the things!  This magic stuff sticks to surfaces without leaving residue or smell, but it does leave one thing...peace of mind.

4.  Safety Nerds Unite!
This wasn't exactly a product, but a mindset.  Why did I find virtually every ambulance manufacturer at this expo boring?  Because they all looked the same and they all looked dangerous.  Just one bloggers opinion.  If one of them could tell me how sitting sideways on a bench seat with a lap belt on is safe...I'd love to hear it.  The EMS Safety Foundation is trying to make headway in ambulance design safety.  They promote crazy ideas such as: forward facing captains chair instead of a bench seat!  No cabinets!  A desk!  Properly fitted seatbelts!  Not getting up while in a moving vehicle!  Supplies within arm's reach!  I know this all sounds crazy, but they gave me candy so whatever.

5.  This Australian stretcher. Thanks to the safety nerds, I saw this stretcher.  The only thing wrong with it is that it's Australian.  Just kidding.  Not really because I'm not sure we can get it here.  It can be loaded by one provider...without lifting...without batteries.  I also saw this amazing fancy-pants stretcher available on the US market.  I mean...wow.  I actually has a light bar on it.  What's not to like?  The thing is.  This Aussie one I found online starting around $3,000.  This American one costs upwards of $30,000.  What?  They both can be loaded by one provider...without lifting.  One uses batteries, the other uses physics.  One has a light bar.  You decide.  

05 November 2014

Step 2 of 1 Million

Last week I stayed up until midnight, on a day when I really didn't want to, in order to register for spring classes.  I have a vague memory of the first time I went to community college of waiting in line and hoping that the class you wanted and fit perfectly into your schedule would be open.  Now, I just have to remember a password (or let google remember it for me) and register in the comfort of my living room.  I am probably wearing the same outfit.

I've been taking medical terminology online.  This is my first and hopefully last foray into online class-taking.  From the beginning I felt very old.  It took me way too long to figure out how to get to the class, find assignments, and just figure out what the hell was going on.  Oh, my I felt old.  I did figure it out and I am just going to assume that every student in an online class is cheating.  Basically, especially in a class based on memorization, everything is open book.

Once I figured everything out, I learned why everyone likes online classes. I'm practically finished with the whole thing and it's only the second week.  Self paced, for the win!  Hopefully it will serve as a good review of A&P, which I'll be taking in the spring.  That class in itself should be a review, though I last took it (gasp!) 10 years ago.  I did not realized that sciences expire.  I think that I've figured out what to do to be ready to apply to the PA program in April (2016!).  There's an information session later this month that will hopefully confirm my suspicions and solidify my plan.

Until then, work, work, work.  

04 October 2014

New Wild-Ass Plan

The trouble with this plan is that it has so many fail points that I am afraid to advertise it.  It is also a very long-game type of plan (at least four years to completion).  I also don't want to build it up too much because I think I did for my parents whom almost deemed it not wild-ass enough.  Though I'm sure left to come up with one, had me feeding penguins in the Antarctic, or taking a trip to the international space station.

Basically this plan has me going back to school.  Shocking, I know.  Firstly, going back to my good old community college to take (and retake) prerequisites.  Retake because my Anatomy and Physiology classes were over 10 years ago.  How did that happen?  And we've arrived already to the first of many fail points.  I need to take five prerequisites and maintain basically straight A's.  This includes microbiology and organic/biochemistry.  I barely made it through basic chemistry, so I am justifiably worried about trying again.  B average is probably possible, but...you know, may be difficult.

So, get those classes done, borrow some money, write a winning essay, win over some killer references and apply to PA school in 2 years.  That's the plan.  I can't even tell you why at the moment (wait for the winning essay), but I was suddenly struck with a desire, and epiphany of sorts.

I've been a paramedic (my life dream) for eight years.  If all goes according to plan, I will have a solid 10 years in.  I will have moved on academically, but not to nursing school (because if I did, I'd really have to put my foot in it), and I may have something to retire on in 35 years.  That's an important one.  I can then better advocate for a paramedic masters program, or the use of PA's in the field in their stead to carry out wellness checks and the like.  You can take the girl out of the ambulance, but not the ambulance out of the girl...as they say.

Quiet goals fail.  Blogged goals cause me to succeed just so I don't have to look back at this post in 10 years and regret not trying.  So, here's to the next wild ass plan...may it succeed within the next decade.

08 September 2014

So, I'm afraid of bats.

I just finished brushing my teeth when I heard a weird noise down the hall in my bedroom.  Noises themselves are not unusual, bedtime is a typical period for the cats to decide to run amock around the house.  But there was something about this noise.  Ready to yell at the cats, I peeked in my room to see a bat, alive and well, on the floor surrounded by two curious cats.  "Oh, **** there's a bat in here." was all I had to say as I did an immediate aboutface and went dowstairs. 
Now, I am no stranger to domestic crises, but this was different.  Realizing that this bat was now between myself and my phone, and on the floor, I grabbed a sheet and bravely headed back upstairs.  But the bat, being a winged creature, afterall, had regained altitude and was now clinging to the wall somewhere where my cats could see it, but I could not.  They were beside themselves, presented with a moving, alive toy, I could barely get their attention.  Before I made my attempt to 'get' the bat or whatever the hell I thought I was going to do, I did grab my recently liberated phone and called the boyfriend.  I crept toward the bat with the phone propped on my shoulder, sheet between my hands when suddenly the bat remembered again that it was a winged creature and it flew toward me.  I also grew wings, dropped all of my armor and flew down the stairs screaming in a most unlady-like fashion.  Leaving the boyfriend perplexed and amused, I am sure. 
Somehow I managed to lure the cats away and into the bathroom with treats and promises.  I opened the front door, and 'Bruce Wayne' was at it again circling the hallway, sneaking down the stairs, then he might have detoured but I'm not sure as I was running all the way into the street.  I watched as it found it's way out of the door, though I was far from declaring the house safe.  Flashlight in hand, I inspected every nook and cranny before being able to go to sleep.  A ritual I kept up for the next week.  I worry that now that security as relaxed, I may meet Bruce again.