A Work in Progress

Suffice to say it has been a weird period in PA school. We were pulled from clinical sites in the middle of March and it is possible we won't go back before graduation.  Second year is clinical only so there is little substitute to be had.  We have been doing some workshops and CME and case studies and the like, but it is a pale replacement to actual clinical experience.  Experience that I sorely miss not only because it was something to do, and a great learning experience, but I see the value in being able to practice as a student.  Potentially the next time I take on a patient it will be totally for real and my responsibility which is terrifying. I am glad to be a second year, as our first year students have had to finish out the semester online and take all of their mid terms and finals online.  UGH.  I am a very bad online learner, so that might have broken me.  School is doing everything they can to keep us on track and are very focused on gett...

Back in August, I was invited to interview for PA school. I didn't say much about it here as I fear failure and getting to the interview stage is like being within arms reach of the dream. It was too close, and felt very fragile.  Instead I spent weeks agonizing over how to articulate my flaws without making them sound too negative.  It's pretty hard to justify "I don't take direction well."  "I am too independent"  "I actually hate people" "I lack motivation."  "I am too laid back."  "I'm only in this for the money".   You cannot be honest.  And definitely answers like "I care too much"  Or "I am too thorough" are frowned upon. Googling "how to survive a PA school interview" is a slippery and horrible slope. Everyone has advice.  Most of which was very useful. Some of which was down right terrifying. "They will ask you about the shortcomings of your application." one ...

So.  I guess I should do a little update...then about 100 more. Three years ago I made the decision to "go to PA school"  which I wanted to keep to myself due to the absolute impossibility of success. Somehow, everyone found out anyway.  I wanted to prevent the future conversation of "Hey, weren't you going to go back to school?"  "Me?"(looks around feebly) "No, I don't remember that." Quite happily, I can report that I won't be having that conversation (Unless it goes "Hey, weren't you in PA school?"  "Me?"(looks around feebly) "No, I don't remember that.")  and I will be starting PA school in the coming summer! I found out last week and have vacillated between joy, disbelief, and terror ever since. There was literally a 0.05 % chance of success so it really seems crazy to me. I couldn't even tell you 'why me?' although I am sure my overly kind-hearted friends would give you so...

I know that so many of you are waiting for an update on "Wild ass plan-apply to PA school". Well get ready! Basically, it's boring. I am slogging through my last prerequisite "Intro to organic and biochemistry". Did I save the best for last or what?! Truly, this is the class that I know I will struggle with. How do I know that? Well, it's been two weeks and I already am! This class is offered at several schools but is accepted for all of the programs in my state. When we had our obligatory introductions on the first class, it became clear that I am not alone in my wild ass plan. Indeed, the competition for these programs was never made more clear. 28 out of 30 students want to be PA's. 28 out of 30 students went home that night and cried themselves to sleep. Those that hadn't already done the math of 1000 PA school applicants for a class of 35 were for the first time feeling the pressure. It's a mixed bag of backgrounds and ages.  ...

Last week I stayed up until midnight, on a day when I really didn't want to, in order to register for spring classes.  I have a vague memory of the first time I went to community college of waiting in line and hoping that the class you wanted and fit perfectly into your schedule would be open.  Now, I just have to remember a password (or let google remember it for me) and register in the comfort of my living room.  I am probably wearing the same outfit. I've been taking medical terminology online.  This is my first and hopefully last foray into online class-taking.  From the beginning I felt very old.  It took me way too long to figure out how to get to the class, find assignments, and just figure out what the hell was going on.  Oh, my I felt old.  I did figure it out and I am just going to assume that every student in an online class is cheating.  Basically, especially in a class based on memorization, everything is open book. Once I f...

The trouble with this plan is that it has so many fail points that I am afraid to advertise it.  It is also a very long-game type of plan (at least four years to completion).  I also don't want to build it up too much because I think I did for my parents whom almost deemed it not wild-ass enough.  Though I'm sure left to come up with one, had me feeding penguins in the Antarctic, or taking a trip to the international space station. Basically this plan has me going back to school.  Shocking, I know.  Firstly, going back to my good old community college to take (and retake) prerequisites.  Retake because my Anatomy and Physiology classes were over 10 years ago.  How did that happen?  And we've arrived already to the first of many fail points.  I need to take five prerequisites and maintain basically straight A's.  This includes microbiology and organic/biochemistry.  I barely made it through basic chemistry, so I am justifiably worr...

For the last several years, I have navigated my life around what I like to call 'Wild-Ass Plans.'   A WAP is a goal, a plan, that doesn't have to be spectacular, just something you want to accomplish.  One should always be there, somewhere on a back burner.  Anything from starting a family, making a expensive but meaningful purchase, to going back to school or traveling to a new and exciting place. I firmly believe these things are essential to a meaningful life.  They have helped me be decisive on big things, helped me to be frugal, and helped me to strive toward a purpose driven life. The first and my favorite step of a WAP is to always say yes.  Despite what your friends, family, or colleagues say, if you want something- go out and get it. If someone questions your plan and your instinctive answer is "Why not?" then you are well on your way.  All you may need is a little spark in your mind. A little idea that becomes a (healthy) obsession.  Yes is...

I didn't post a picture yesterday, but I was too busy stalling my mother's car 10 times in a row in the middle of a four lane road to take a picture. It wouldn't have been an pretty one anyway. Mostly it would have looked like us trying really hard not to shout at eachother, me cursing loudly, and strangers honking at us and while trying not to kill us all. Why is it that when your car becomes disabled either through user error or poorly timed mechanical failure, that people feel the need to honk at you? Do they think that I didn't notice that I was blocking two lanes of traffic and being a general pain in everyone's ass? "Oh, thank you for honking. I didn't notice that I was in the middle of the street. This is inconvenient? People want to get by? Thank you for letting me know." In reality, there was nothing I wanted more than to move the car 20 feet. Every fiber of my being was willing that car to go, but I still managed to stall over an...

There is an extra little sign dangling off of the 'for sale' sign in the front yard today. It says 'Under Contract'. Two words that fill me with many emotions; mostly excitement, terror, and anticipation. It seems that WAP #3 has progressed rather quickly, more quickly than I expected. But, I've discovered that for me, house shopping is much like dress shopping. I know when I've found one I like, so why keep looking? Pending maintenance demands and official applications to go through, in a little over a month, I'll be moving my stuff into a 95 year old townhouse in my hometown. I've learned a lot over the last couple of weeks, mostly that mortgages are complicated, houses are needy, and my signature never looks the same way twice. I've never signed and initialed so many things in my life! The most ludicrous thing I've had to acknowledge, other than the dangers of lead paint and radon, I signed a paper that warned me that in this county,...

It's that special time of year again when the blog and I go out on a romantic date and talk about ourselves and gush over each other until everyone around us is nauseated. I suppose it is time, as I suggested to myself last year, that I write this entry without the air of incredulity of years past. This year, I can believe I'm still a blogger and that it's been six crazy years.  Writing the blog seems a part of me for sure now and it's not so surprising that I'm still doing it. I'm sorry I've only written 25 posts since my 'setecientos' back in September. It seems a lot has happened, but not much that has yielded blog posts.  I think too, I am getting back in the swing of EMS writing- it seems a bit weird after so long.  I am also wary of sharing snippets of strangers lives, and am trying to preserve privacy as always. Also, it is my fervent hope that I'll have more to talk about in coming months including the progression of wild ass plans ...

It has been difficult to admit that after a year of planning and a year of execution that the wild-ass plan is sadly and officially over. Although I'm not there anymore, it will certainly remain a part of my everyday life and ongoing friendships. I have had a definite reluctance to change my location on Facebook or the lappys clock back to EST. And, this past weekend I felt a near desperate desire to be back in England for the Harry Potter premier and all of the Coventry blitz anniversary happenings. Alas. At least I could catch the cathedral service on BBC radio. I have a few residual quirks from being there. It's amazing the affect being on the other side of the road has on the psyche. I still inadvertently look the wrong way before crossing and have occasional flashes of panic as I pull out onto the 'correct' side of the road. I had happily forgotten all of the rage that driving sometimes fills me with, and failed to truly appreciate the tranquility of a c...

I'm here! Here, in my room, awake at 2 am! After being up for nearly 30 hours I couldn't take it and went to bed at 7 pm. Now I am rethinking that. But, to the meat of the post. Since my last post I said goodbye to a lot of things and special people. I've been on two planes, had a five hour layover in Dublin. (where at 8am everyone had a pint except for me) Got both of my bags successfully! Found the Uni people at the airport, took a train, took a British cab, waited a bit more, took a bus, and finally arrived in my building. With bated breath I turned the key (in the wrong direction) and instead of anything I possibly envisioned, found myself in an individual lofted room. Furnished, bed up a ladder, bathroom, closet! I would love to have seen my face when I opened the door. After jumping around with glee for a few minutes I sorted out the internet and talked to mom for a while. Then I went in search of bedding items, food and TP, my top three needs at the time. The ...

Do I really need these pants? How many tops go with them anyway? Does this jacket even fit anymore? It doesn't get very cold in the UK, right? Will I wear this shirt? Do I need different winter pajamas, or should I just get a blanket? Will I need more than one skirt? What if I go to church more than once? What if I bring two and then go to church more than twice? Is there any earthly reason to bring my camp sleeping pad? Why am I bringing a backpack for school and a backpack for...other stuff? How many pens do I need? Is it completely daft to bring sweaters to a country full of sheep? As a result of these questions over the last few evenings I've found myself unfolding, trying on and refolding basically every piece of clothing I have. Strangely, putting things on and then back in the suitcase did not help me to decide what I couldn't live without.

Two years ago I declared that "To feel loved and cared for is truly all I need to survive." I will take all the love and caring I have been receiving since then with me, and it will be all I need to thrive. Over the last few weeks I have felt nothing but love. I had my last day at work and my bosses had set up a little ice cream and cake social for me. Most of the ER didn’t even know I was going, but everyone was so supportive and seemed truly interested. I gave many people the blog address, and I hope you’re reading this now! All invitations to visit me were genuine, look into it! My shift at work and I had three whole uninterrupted meals together, which is more than we’ve had in the last six months. Everyone worked hard to make my last day special, and for that I feel truly blessed. I’ve been able to catch up with a lot of my friends and family. Even my brother came down from NYC to see me off (and eat fair food.) It’s been a strange time. I’ve been moving piece-meal...

A lot of things need to be done prior to moving out of the country. An updated passport and visa are a fantastic start. But then there are things that occur to you in the middle of the night, forcing you to scribble some unintelligible words on the back of your hand in the dark. These include changing my car insurance, giving away old clothes, preparing Christmas presents (in August), buying UK plug converters, cashing in my coins, and filling out national registry papers seven months in advance. And then there are some silly preparations. I switched my version of word to UK English, and now apparently I cannot correctly spell color, enrollment, check, or organize. But, analyze; they'll allow. I've also changed my facebook to UK English. This means that my favorite TV shows are now my "Favourite TV Programmes" the times are on the 24 hour clock, and the date is written day/month/year (as opposed to the US month/day/year version) And I've become "UMBC grad...

I am pleased to report that I got my Coventry address. It’s approved off campus post grad housing. That’s a mouthful. But it includes a single room, shared kitchen and bath, internet, renters insurance, and a gym membership. Thanks to the glorious google maps, I can get a street view of the building and surrounding area. This exploration let me to find several nearby ATMs, the ubiquitous “corner shop” other shopping and dining areas, and most importantly (at the moment) a huge IKEA mere blocks from my flat. I can now feel far more confident knowing that I no longer need to worry about packing a plate and a bowl, as I can get that stuff there, including bedding, hangers, a “püblie” and a 99p saucepan. And in a pinch, I can eat Swedish meatballs everyday using a snärflat, or a fork. Also, I am apparently I am incapable of spelling Swede, Sweden, or Swedish; just look at my facebook.

In recent days I have found myself standing in my apartment staring at various items, quietely considering them. Do I need this item now, will I need it next year, will I need it in the future? These battles with myself can last for up to half an hour as I slowly fade into insanity while I consider whether or not to pack a shirt that I haven't worn in the last year and a half. The pile of stuff for goodwill grows by the minute. Don't worry, it's not filled with anything of monitary or sentimental value. Mostly it's things that I question why I've held onto them for this long. Things like a hat from the job that I hated that still has the tags on it. I wonder if it's necessary to keep CDs of pictures that I already have one physical copy and two seperate sets of digital copies of. So I will muse: Well, the CDs are a form of back up. A form of back up that I don't even get for any of my newer pictures. They take up space, but I did pay for them. Probably two d...

Now that the WAP is going to happen, every day when I hear the date, I say “Holy crap is it really July 19th? All-freaking ready?” I’ll look at my own calendar to confirm it as a small burst of nervous adrenaline seizes me for a moment or two. I’m afraid that this is going to happen every day until I leave, only the doses of adrenaline will become larger and larger until I am walking around in a bug-eyed completely panic stricken state. After two days of panic, today I knew it was time to make a list. I have a few minutes to gather my thoughts at work today and tomorrow, before setting off for a full week of work and playing camp nurse. Oh, the comforts that a list can bring. The feeling of having a complete list (not to mention one with things crossed off of it) is always stress relieving to me. Items one and two are buying a plane ticket and applying for housing, two things that require me to be at home for longer than five minutes.

There are many people in this world who have had or will have a huge impact on my life. But actually, I will never meet many of these people. From politicians and celebrities, to the people who invented the equipment I use everyday at work, right down to the people who assembled my car to keep me safe. Last week a group of people helped me set out on a new adventure. Someone who I will never meet or know approved my entrance into the UK. Someone else scanned my photo into a computer program. Someone else affixed the visa to my passport and sealed it with a fancy consulate stamp. I don't know them, but I'm so happy that they do their jobs. Like so many times, it's the people you don't meet that matter. I came home from work and saw the overstuffed, battered envelope that I had meticulously filled with a ridiculous number of official documents waiting for me. I had received no word from the expediting service, only found that they had charged my credit card their f...

After all this visa nonsense that I am not allowed to apply more than three months in advance for my visa. All my crap made it to the expediting service today they called me saying: "Oh, you're school starts in September? You didn't tell me that." I figured it was implied! I figured I could get this done and relax about it for the next five months! Not one FAQ asked when one could apply. The 50 page "Tier 4 of the points based system Policy Guidelines" makes no mention of such rules. It's the UK, why isn't it simple? Well, he was super nice and all that but guess what? Now come June 23rd, I have to reapply, get my work to write me another letter, get my bank to write me another letter, collect new bank statements, paycheck stubs, pay again for FedEx shipping labels, and go to that shady ass place to get my fingers printed again! OMG! Okay, rant over...for now. I think the picture of the day will be one of my head exploding.