Let me check my calendar.

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So.  I guess I should do a little update...then about 100 more.
Three years ago I made the decision to "go to PA school"  which I wanted to keep to myself due to the absolute impossibility of success. Somehow, everyone found out anyway.  I wanted to prevent the future conversation of "Hey, weren't you going to go back to school?"  "Me?"(looks around feebly) "No, I don't remember that."

Quite happily, I can report that I won't be having that conversation (Unless it goes "Hey, weren't you in PA school?"  "Me?"(looks around feebly) "No, I don't remember that.")  and I will be starting PA school in the coming summer!

I found out last week and have vacillated between joy, disbelief, and terror ever since. There was literally a 0.05 % chance of success so it really seems crazy to me. I couldn't even tell you 'why me?' although I am sure my overly kind-hearted friends would give you some reasons (Blush!)
There are so many variables, and I spent the first few hours wandering around realizing all of my shortcomings they must have overlooked. "Wow, I guess they didn't care about my horrible GRE scores." "Wow, I guess a C in chem 102 from 12 years ago was okay." "I only shadowed two PA's." And my next logical conclusion when going down this rabbit hole is that the whole thing must be a mistake. But, I am assured it is not and they received my deposit check (not made out to Chicago All Saints Hospital- C.A.S.H. for short).

PA school as been described to me as 'trying to drink from a fire hose' so I expect even less of a social life and more self discipline than I have ever exhibited before. I feel now like I am going to jail and I have to get everything taken care of for the next three years in the next six months. Home improvement projects, movies to watch, travel, friend and family visits, oil changes are all swimming around in my head. My mental and actual calendar are filling up and I know these next months will fly by.

Don't worry, all of this over-thinking brings me comfort. I found out I got in while I was at work and nearly lost it by not knowing what to do next. Celebrate? Call out for the rest of the day? Go work out some of my anxieties on the treadmill? Write my resignation letter? (too soon). So I went back and remembered this is a Wild-Ass Plan. There are steps.  This is just another level in step 2: planning. I sat right down and made a list. Three years ago this plan too started with a list and it hasn't failed me yet.

The new list made me feel calmer. Reading it now makes me feel less calm. But a sign of a good wild-ass plan is that it fills you with moments of clarity and moments of terror- often at the same time.

I can say aloud: I'm going to be a PA! White coat and all! Reflex hammer and all! Suturing skills and all!

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