A Work in Progress

I’ve finally put a post together about the new job. Unfortunately, it does not yet replace my current job at “The Crappiest Ambulance Company on Earth” but now in my time off, I am a part time hospital based 911 chase car. I cannot express how happy I am to have a 911 job again, even if it is part time. I don’t care. When I step up into the ambulance I can hear “Back in the Saddle Again” playing in a loop. I love it. There are a lot of weird things about being hospital based. Firstly: nowhere to nap. We hang out in the ER when we’re not on a call, we basically surf the net and talk. One problem with hanging in the ER is that there is always food in the break room. Out of nowhere a cake, tray of cookies, bag of candy or other random delicious temptation will crop up. Evil, evil ER nurses providing a veritable buffet all the time. I’m not quite over the fact that a lot of times, the ER is busy and we are not, therefore, I feel lazy when I'm sitting at the computer upd...

When I tell people that I don’t watch horror movies, I most often get looks like I am a freak of nature. Who doesn’t watch horror movies?! Firstly, I am single and my only protection at home is a cat and a dead bolt lock. Every random noise I hear at home is blamed on the cat, even if she is asleep on my lap. Also, I take scary movies way to seriously. The Blair Witch Project for example. Everyone said ‘That movie was so dumb!’ while I was the one sitting up all night with my back to the wall, my room lit up like a landing strip and a shotgun across my lap. Even if the movie is completely ridiculous, unlikely, and stupidly funny, I’ll laugh my way through it, and still be nervous when I go to bed. Why don’t I want to watch Hostel? Because I like hostels. “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” The answer is in the question. “The Hills Have Eyes?” No they don’t. “The Ring?” I don’t want to be anymore afraid of a ring than I already am. “The Grudge?” It’s scary enough to have one, I ...

It was deceivingly cold as we headed into open water on one of the few remaining skipjacks in the Chesapeake. So cold, in fact, I was questioning my decision to leave my long underwear behind. But, we soon arrived at our dredging plateau. The motor of the dredge winch rumbled to life and all ambient noise (or lack thereof) was drowned out. Within minutes, the real oystermen aboard had pulled up the first dredge full of oysters, shells, mud and mussels, and dumped it onto the deck. The rest of us watched in frank fascination and soon found ourselves strangely enthusiastic about sifting through the pot with our gloved hands, kneeling in mud and sorting out the oysters of acceptable size. We happily ripped mussels off of the oyster shells and threw them overboard. Even as amateurs, we developed a real system quickly. Like a not so well oiled machine we would deploy the dredge, pull it up, dump it out, sort out the oysters, and send the dredge back down. While we waited, we’d clean and mea...

Random thought of the day: When I was in London, I heard them say ‘sharp scratch’ before they stuck someone with a needle. I thought to myself, that doesn’t make any sense. I mean, if getting an IV felt at all like being scratched by a cat, maybe it would make sense. If getting an IV involved merely scraping the needle against a persons skin, rather than sticking it in, I could justify using the phrase. Then, I thought about what I say before starting an IV which is usually “big stick.” Upon further evaluation, I have decided that this doesn’t make any sense either. If it was like, ‘look out, there is a big stick about to fall on your head!’ then maybe it would make sense. If IV catheters were anywhere close to being the size of a big stick, rather than barely the diameter of a small twig, I could justify using the phrase. I think a more appropriate use would be shouting “Big Stick!” right before whacking you on the head with my cudgel. Thanks to wikipedia, I have learned that ...

I haven’t exactly been a neglectful blogger as of late, but more of a busy one. In the last week every time it came down to choosing between sleep or any other activity, sleep won (except when the bike won). This was mostly because I worked 76 hours last week. Only eight of that was overtime, the rest was the start of my second job. As they say, I’ve been ‘busier than a one armed paper hanger’ but thankfully not actually hanging wallpaper. My first few days have been typical really. I was lost, confused, and nervous. With this job it is more important that I know the ins and outs very well as when I am cleared, I will be cleared as a single provider. Which means that most times I’ll be acting as the only ALS provider on any given scene. This is enough to make me nervous as I will not have anyone else’s opinion to fall back on. Let alone the fact that I am very unfamiliar with the area, and don’t know any of the ambulance crews yet. Overall, I am very excited about it. All of...

Firstly, some new pictures . Pictures that will more quickly describe what I have been up to in recent weeks than my slow updates will. Camping in PA, visiting Fallingwater, attending world championship horse pulling, mediating at Walden pond, visiting Maine, biking, kayaking, and butterfly stalking. I have been busy lately and I start my new part time job this Tuesday (and there is much rejoicing.) I'm back on the 911 side of things in a hospital based chase car. And by chase 'car' I mean an F250 Super Duty extended cab that is totally pimp. Hopefully, as my available hours become more numerous, I can eventually leave my current job completely. Speaking of the current job, I received one of the best greetings in the history of private ambulance transports: “We’ve cleaned up most of the blood.” Ooh, thought I, this has to be good. The patient was actually bleeding from their trach site. (the place where a permanent breathing tube is inserted into the neck) This is...

Now, I love nurses as much as the next EMS provider (and I mean that), but sometimes they have their moments (as do I). We went for an OB call where the patient had apparently broken her water. She was only 17 weeks, so altogether a sad story. We arrived and the nurse was blatantly relieved. She was rushing me out in a faux polite manner, and her report consisted of the following. “XX year old female, 17 weeks, PROM, fetal heartrate confirmed on ultrasound, vitals are...(gestures to monitor), no contractions, estimated due date is in the paperwork. Any questions? Great.” Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady. I asked a litany of questions and got hasty answers. The best of which came from when I asked if she was dilated. “Well, I didn’t do the exam so I don't know, but it doesn’t matter if she’s dilated, as she’s going to be induced anyway. So...(gives a look of how this question can be of any importance whatsoever and why am I still there asking pointless questions)” “Right, but she’s ...

It has been a rough last few months for me. A string of unfortunate and sad things have been the theme of the summer, beginning with the ending of my engagement in June. From the start, everyone asked me what they could do to help. The answer was almost always nothing, as merely their asking was a comfort. When my minister asked what the church could do for me I told him: “Tell me that God is sad too.” I have experienced a whole mess of realizations recently and I am going to pawn them off on you, dear reader. I don’t want to be preachy, and I know that this entry has no particular order, but I just want to get my thoughts down and maybe help others in the process. I have been constantly wondering ‘When can I be over this? Is there a prescribed length of time?’ Unfortunately, there is no magic balm, nothing to make you go to bed sad and wake up feeling normal. There is no elixir to take the hurt away. Everyone says that the best remedy is time, but I have learned that it cann...

On time 5 Cooperation 2 Appearance 3 Professionalism 3 Productivity 1 Patient care 5 Yes, that is my 90 day review. (5 being the best) No, it is not accurate. The “crappiest ambulance company on earth” uses a computer to formulate your review. ‘Computer’ as in some random software that the company bought on the street for five cents. I inspected said computer for eyes, a mirror, or hidden camera and found none. Even so, I scored a 3 for appearance. The bottom of the review said that by signing, it meant that I have read and understand the review. I asked, “Can I refuse to sign this? Or would that further lower my cooperation score?” I took it to the guy above my supervisor and inquired into this idiocy. He said that I looked better than half of the employees there and I had been on for 26 hours and was going home, so I probably deserved more than a 3. I pointed out that I am an obsessive professional, (although I didn’t mention that it was really hard when you hate the job...

Nothing makes me happier at work than seeing a stack of fresh sheets and having a full jar of cavicide wipes. In fact, aside from my partners, these are the only things that make me happy at work. I’m feeling a rant post coming up about my disdain for my job. Also, there will be more on its replacement. Something is finally in the works in terms of a better job. I have about 2 more weeks of paper shuffling before it is official, but I am, predictably, dead excited about a professional change. Last week at work we got to go to prison. The prison. We picked up our patient who had pulled out his chest tube. “Didn’t that hurt?” I asked, “It was stitched in.” “No” he replied. On our way out, the officer we were with discovered a nerf football on the ground between the main wall and the actual jail. I guess that 30 feet of grass around the jail and a huge wall serve as additional deterrents from escape. I looked back at him and he was ripping the ball apart and inside it w...

Recently, I finally hit some real mountain biking trails. I feel that I have been missing out on something truly great. I completely get it. Already I have accomplished things on the bike that I never thought possible. It seems that whatever appears on the trail in front of me, I will get past it. Every log, every rock, every root I (for lack of a better technical term) boofed, I laughed out loud. For every root or rock, I (for lack of a better technical term) ‘foobed’, I had a great smile on my face. I am loving it. In just a few trips, I have learned a lot. Clearance is only as high as your lowest pedal (which can be quite low). Wheels have more than one master: you and the terrain. You can go too slow. You can go too fast (well, that's what I hear, but I haven't really tested it yet) Biking can be a full body workout. It is an amazing feeling to have your every fiber totally focused on not dying. Adrenaline is not having a car whiz by you on a hill with a blind curv...

It has been widely believed for the last 24 years that the likelihood of Ellie wearing spandex was equal or less than that of a staunch vegan wearing leather. But, after 14 miles or so on those tiny standard issue bike seats, it was clear that something must be done. So, I dug out that gel seat cover from a few years ago. This gave a marginal amount of relief. Still, it was becoming apparent that real bike shorts were in order. That’s right, bike shorts, the ones made of spandex with that huge padded crotch, shorts that couldn't show any more unless they were painted on, the garment which is generally not acceptable to be worn in public. But, oh how times have changed. They now make what are called ‘baggy bike shorts.’ This is an absolute brilliant concept of taking the standard bike short, and then covering them up with regular shorts. When worn properly, no one knows that the spandex is there! They're even suitable for public viewing. Small children will not be scarre...

My brother moved to NYC last week and I acquired about 20 paintings, 5 boxes of books, some tools, and a cat. Yes, I am a sucker and yes, loving your family can get you into trouble. I am a cat person, but I did not go right out and get one when I moved. I think that I fear permanence. No matter, a free cat with all related accessories is a welcome addition to my, well, kind of lonely apartment. For the first day or so she was completely horrible, hissing and swatting at me whenever we were in the same room. I gave her a pretty sweet set up in my bathroom and bedroom. I bought her treats and toys. I really wanted to win her over. Turns out all she needed was time. Just last night she emerged from her fortress in the bathroom and slept on the bed. I was quite happy. My brother cannot be trusted to name pets. To my knowledge he has named three cats. “Little Cat” who was, consequently, little, “Fatty McBlack” who, surprisingly, was fat and black, but not Scottish. And, now ...

I don’t normally drown my sorrows in a sea of retail, but I have been doing a lot of shopping lately. More than ever, especially after getting my own apartment and realizing that I had pretty much nothing in the way of furniture or anything generally useful. I love and hate shopping. Everyone loves getting new stuff; clothes, chips, yogurt flavors, the accessory that you didn't know you needed until you saw it in the store. I especially like online shopping, but I think that’s mostly because I love getting things in the mail. Shopping also makes me go insane. For example: super Wal-mart. This is a store with just too much stuff in it. It is both convenient and overwhelming to me that I can get groceries, plants, windshield wiper fluid, socks, and a DVD player in the same place. Here, and in any number of stores, I can find myself agonizing over the most ridiculous minutiae. For me, there are just too many choices. I can stand for long minutes in the paper aisle and debate with myse...

I have been biking quite a lot lately. I’ve been on the road (as opposed to the trail) to build up my endurance. Road biking is pretty cool. It’s not nearly as tedious as I envisioned. I can map out different routes depending on how I feel, or how long I have, and see something different every day. I try to stick to the less traveled roads for safety’s sake. Aside from the occasional nice view, road biking is basically ups and downs. In the area around my house it seems that I am either coasting down a hill or struggling up one. This I love and hate. It is an amazing feeling to be pedaling furiously up a steep hill, clicking into a lower gear, while the bike is only advancing inches, head down, all muscles united in a common goal; to crest that hill. I will note tiny landmarks, “just make it to that mailbox, that rock, that driveway.” I question constantly if I will actually make it without stopping. I promise myself that I’ll drink water and rest at the top. I decide to h...

It is inevitable and yet still manages to sneak up on you. Sometimes, death appears so quickly that even it is surprised to be there. Although, it can also linger in the background, waiting and waiting for the opportune moment. In the end, I think that we all want generally the same thing; to go quietly, without a fuss, to feel satisfied, complete, that our work is done, and especially to have our loved ones feel comfortable. These things are, of course, very difficult to measure, and I would guess that only a small percentage of people actually get the death they envision. Or maybe I’m wrong. I have been directly and indirectly involved in deaths of all types; murder, negligence, trauma, respiratory arrest, suicide, miscarriage, cardiac arrest. I have taken people from their homes to hospice, caressed the foot of a dying baby, withheld intervention, performed pointless CPR, told people their mother was dead. Unfortunately, none of this has made death any easier. I wish that these expe...

On Saturday, for some reason (what I lovingly refer to as) the 'Crappiest ambulance company on Earth' was really busy. I hate when that happens. Well, I don't usually mind, but weekends are usually slow. Calls were apparently stacked up from here to kingdom come and everyone was freaking out. Everyone, except for me. They make their own bed, so I won't lose sleep over them scheduling 5 calls when they only have 3 trucks available. But, ironically, I did lose actual sleep over it. Oh well. My regular partner was shipped over to our sister company because they were understaffed as well. So, my partner for the evening was a CRT (I) who is a nice guy, but is partially deaf, and also a mumbler. Basically I couldn't understand a damn thing he was saying, and he couldn't understand a damn thing I was saying. I hated asking him to repeat himself, because I didn't want him to think I was making fun of him, so there were a lot of hanging questions, random po...

Caution: theology ahead. I was finally kayaking again. With the truck back, and the weather cooperating, I was back on the water, and it felt great. I went to a lake that is relatively new to me. It’s pretty big, with plenty to explore, and tons of great flora and fauna. My trip took an oddly philosophical turn. I was in the middle of the lake, paddling along, and I was suddenly struck with emotion. I felt so full of sorrow, and unexpectedly, I found myself asking God for help. Help for everything; to be unafraid, to move on, to be the person I want to be, to trust again. I poured out my fears to Him. I asked for forgiveness for the first time in my life. Forgiveness for being such a fool, forgiveness for all the mistakes I’ve made, for not fulfilling my potential. I was paddling, and crying, and praying. Frankly, activities I rarely combine. Even though most of what I was feeling was remorse and sadness, there was hope too. I could feel it. What is odd, is that I don’...

We had a call to take a patient from a nursing home to the ER for "abdominal issues." We went through the typical motions; go upstairs, get the story from the nurse, ensure that paperwork is in order, ensure that the nurse called the ER, and go to get the patient. We were sharply interrupted from this routine when we entered the patients room and she began to shout "I'm not going! I'm not going! I'm not going!" The story was that she had a colostomy recently, and when the wound was checked that day, it appeared that it was opening, and about to become an abdominal evisceration. (basically when your insides get on the outside...which, obvious to normal humans; is not good) We greeted her politely, and I asked her where she was, what day it was, etc. And to me, she was of sound mind. I told the nurse that if she continued to refuse, we could not take her. The nurse said "OH, she'll go!" At one point, there were at least six staffers in her ro...

Today the truck returned to me and was given a clean bill of health. Well, except that the tires are dry rotted, and there is still that damn ding in the windshield. To celebrate, we went out and got new tires. The ding, I’ll have to address tomorrow. This whole stupid accident only took 22 days and 48+ hours of labor to resolve. I’m here to issue a public apology to the truck for causing it to have such a long hospital stay. I am shamed. But we are now reunited…cut to flashback of Ellie running across the parking lot. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space. Cut to Ellie running across the parking lot, arms wide. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space. Cut to Ellie running across the parking lot, eyes welling with tears. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space. Cut to Ellie lovingly embracing the hood of the truck. Cut to the truck sitting in its parking space while Ellie hugs it. (the embrace becomes uncomfortably long) Cut to Ellie slowly realizing t...