Yeah, I haven't written since June.  Not here at least.  Yeah, I don't really know why.  Yeah, I've kind of waited to get over my crisis of hating the job before I wrote again.  Yeah, sometimes I hate the best job in the world.

It's kind of my biennial problem of getting a little burned out, working a little too much, and encountering a few too many people that just make me wonder where the world is heading.  Although, now I've feeling far more Zen about it  than I ever have.  Because, for the first time, I talked to people about my problem.  Not a professional (maybe next time) but I felt other people out about my misgivings and low and behold, it worked.  I found that I am certainly not alone in my feelings.  Also, if I need to benchmark myself against the best people, I have a few in mind.

It's easy to lose sight of hope in this business of EMS.  At least I think so.  We do see a lot of silly things.  Sad things, gross things, dumb things.  It's the dumb that's been worrying me.  How can these adult people really not know how to function properly?  Can they ever get out of their desperate situations?  Why do they keep dragging innocent children into it? 
I get tired of waiting for that 1 in 100 call that makes me feel anything but frustration, makes me work, makes me use the skills I have.  But I reached a conclusion and have decided to put the energy from that one call I'm waiting for into all of my calls.  Everyone deserves to be helped, even if their crisis is not a crisis, even if their house is unclean, even if it's 4am.

Yeah, there are more important things in the world than their problem.  Yeah, they could have driven themselves.  Yeah, staying home can prevent spread of illness.  Sometimes, I have to put these thoughts behind me and just complete a task.  Not because I want to, but because it's my job.  Someone's asked for help and I'm the one who showed up. Sometimes, yeah, they are alone.  Yeah, they don't know what to do.  Yeah they should know better but they don't.  People don't know what they don't know and a shitty attitude isn't going to help them change their ways.   

I know this is a little disjointed, but I'm rusty.  I'm just trying to say that I still like my job.  I like to help people.  I wish that I could change myself to be able to say that sentence without putting a 'but...' at the end. I'm trying.


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