Self Checkout

Something that boggles me, though I use anyway, is the self checkout at the grocery store.  Firstly, why am I doing more work while someone is standing ten feet away who will do it for me?  I'm not getting paid by the store to check myself out.  I'm not even getting a discount.
I've used the self check out even when regular check outs are available.  Why?  Probably because my reclusive tendencies are increasing and it's one less human I have to interact with.  But, at the same time, I hate that check out robot.  Hate her.
All of the things I hate about her make me look crazy. Probably because recently I have have found myself talking back to her.
"Thank you for using self check out.  Please scan your member card."  She starts already.
"Why are you shouting at me.  Can't you see I'm digging my card out of my wallet?  And don't thank me.  Pay me instead."
Just as I fish the card out, she repeats "Please scan your member card."
"Look, bitch..."
I scan the card and she starts talking again.
"Indicate if you are using your own bags."
"Indicate this!" I shout back. I continue to wonder outloud "Why do you make me furious?  You're just a recording."
Despite my feeble attempts to rationalize, she continues to enrage me.  "Scan items one at a time then place them gently in the bag."
"Gently?!  I defy you, ice queen of Wegmans!"
That's how I end up with broken eggs, bruised apples, and squashed bread.
"Please remove all items from scanning area."
"What the?  I didn't even touch it you stupid thing!"
As I continue scanning, she gets confused.  Probably because I try to scan so fast that she does get confused.   
"Unexpected item in the bagging area." 
"I'll give you an unexpected item!"  I literally shake my fist at the screen. "And stop talking so loudly.  People can hear you.  I'm standing right here." 
If I buy any fruit or veg, it takes me 10 minutes to find where it is on the list.  "Oh, there's the effing corn!  I should have known it would be under 'S' for sweet corn.  You know, to differentiate it from the sour corn."
"Scan all coupons, then insert them into the slot near the blinking light."
"What?  You think I'm some kind of moron?"
And the damn thing never takes coupons correctly.  I end up having to call over an employee anyway, so really I could have avoided the whole thing if I had checked out the traditional way.
"Yeah, I will scan my card and follow the directions on the pin pad!"
"Thank you for shopping at Wegmans."
"Stop making conversation, robot!"
"Don't forget to take your receipt."
"I'll take it if I want to take it!  Boom, left receipt!  What d'you think about that?! Ellie out."

On second thought, I might be insane.