Orient this!

So, hospital orientation was as torturous and terrible as I expected. There is just no improving it without getting rid of it altogether. Which, in my mind would be fine. We did in fact have an annoyingly detailed tour of the hospital. I can’t imagine an instance when I would need to know where the sleep lab is. In fact, I don’t even remember. I don’t remember anything I did for two and a half days.

Well, I remember three things. The hospital has a whole host of values and of course, a mission. Why does everything need a mission? Shouldn’t it be as simple as ‘We’re a hospital. We treat patients.” Instead, our mission statement has to give us a warm fuzzy feeling. “Careful delivery of high quality patient care focused solely on improving overall health and physical stamina for the people in our community and to make the longest run-on sentence in the history of mission statements because we care about you.”

The most important thing I remember is that I will be saving $175 each month on health insurance. Yay, Yay, Yay!!

The last thing I remember is that the hospital staff is 83% female. Okay, that statistic is not in my favor. I can take heart in that probably that most of the male employees work in or around where I work. Still, disconcerting.

That reminds me of a wedding I went to where there was a notable shift in the weight of the room as all the single women were desperately clamoring for the matchmaking bouquet, as though possessing it would actually put them one step closer to leaving the single scene.
Conversely, after that spectacle, a handful of men made a languid effort to grab the underwear of their friends' new wife as it was flung just short of the unenthusiastic crowd.

After the hospital orientation, I headed to my department for a few hours orientation that might actually be useful. I got to see the spectacle that is the truck. It is a huge SUV with thousands of dollars worth of lights and light bars on it (not exaggerating). When they’re all turned on, it would pass for a fourth of July show, and could easily induce seizures in even the least susceptible people. I found myself caught in an open mouthed stare as I circled the truck in wonder, trying to stuff my squirrel tail back into my pants. If that wasn’t enough, on the inside it has a pull chain air horn. Holy crap this is great! It’s just like in an 18 wheeler, and it is super loud! What joy it is to pull on that chain.

On the inside it holds basically the same equipment as on any other medic unit. We also have what I consider to be the best IV catheters. (best described as the slidey kind, and not that dumb spring loaded kind) When I saw them it was like Sweeney Todd being reunited with his razors. I even sang them a song. “My friends….you’ll soon drip rubies…”

Comments

PDXMedic said…
I did clinicals in an ED that was stocked about 80% with spring-loaded caths and about 20% with the slidey caths. I used to have a pocket full of slidey caths, carefully hoarded. They are the best thing ever.

Also, post some pictures of your truck, so those of us who work for private companies that do not believe in LED lighting or chain-pull airhorns can be rightfully jealous.

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