Showing posts from July, 2007

Searching for silver linings

This weekend I should have packed it in, stayed in bed, and eaten ice cream like I wanted to. I worked on Saturday, and most of it was overtime which was nice. My only complaint is an odd one; I was bored most of the day. Okay, all of the day, except when I was sleeping.

I generally avoided thinking about what the day could have been. I marked it in increments of time, and it passed. Hours good and bad will always pass. I left work and headed home.
On the highway, I got a ding in my windshield. Rock versus glass made that painful little ‘crack!’ and I knew it had left a mark. To illustrate how I have been more myself lately, I only emitted one curse word, and decided to call someone to fix it on Monday. I surprised myself with my calmness and I took heart in it. The incident with the bug must have calmed my angered nerves.

Later, I went to have lunch with some NH friends who were in town for, well, nothing. It was very nice as six of us ended up hanging out for most of t…

A crisis

I am no stranger to crisis. I am a stranger, however, to personal crisis. But, when I have a call that bothers me, for example, I recite the mantra that I am having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation and I deal with it. (yay for CISM, lol)
I have been dealing with what I believe I can safely call a big personal crisis over the last few weeks. This, unfortunately magnifies anything else smaller going on in my life. Tonight, something very physically small indeed.

I went to get a coke to get me through my marathon reading of Harry Potter, and discovered what I believed to be the largest roach I had ever seen. Even in my Baltimore City days, I saw roaches more in large volumes, but never one this size. I, of course, scared it and watched in horror as it ran under the refrigerator.
I was immediately in crisis mode. First, I ran to the bedroom to get the sturdiest shoes I could find, and rolled up my pant legs. Then I fished my Maglight out of my camping gear. Whether I …

An update, really.

I feel compelled to write a little update. I love to write, and I love to have something to write about. Amazingly, my interfacility job gave me two interesting calls to write about. I haven't written those down yet, so this update is literally that; an update.

I feel like things are a little better for me. I have moved into my own apartment, and I've turned a big, empty room into a living space that I really enjoy being in.

I actually did some calls at work that made me feel worthwhile. I didn't expect that, and I hope it continues.

I know that I am not alone. Love and hope and wisdom are all around me. I love to find them. I love to find them in unexpected places.

Recently, I've felt hungry. I guess it's a good thing as I hadn't felt hungry for about a month. I've also cooked things and I hope to continue to expand my culinary skills outside the realm of hot pockets and peanut butter burritos.

I feel like I am having fewer bad days. Or, the…

Questionable Progress

It's been nearly a month since my last update now.
Things in my life aren't going they way I hoped they would, to say the least. It's amazing how quickly ones life can change. I knew exactly where my life was going. I was nearing the best thing so far; the thing I believed would bring me unparalleled happiness.
But, in seemingly an instant, I now find myself with no direction.
I am lost.

So, my work in progress, I feel has stalled. I do have a new job, unfortunately it has, well, not been that awesome. In the next couple weeks I'll have a new apartment, and from there I hope I can sort out my new life. Although, it's not what I expected.

I'm not going to stop the blog, I will try to write more.

I bought a couch. And a kitchen table.

It was hard to do it alone.

Lots of things are hard.

I'd like hope or closure, as I have neither.

I've gotten lots of advice lately, some of it has helped.

All of it has been given out of love, all of it is appreciat…