Odd choices and butter knives

Twice now we’ve been called to the same corner for psych problems. We’ve arrived to find a lady in her late 50s-60s flanked by six or seven police officers. No matter what, this is a curious situation.

The first time this happened 2 weeks ago, the lady looked harmless, but had probably consumed some alcohol containing beverages. There were bike police, at least 3 police cars, one with a very friendly dog in it, and the paddy wagon. One of the cops said to me “Good luck with this one.” My partner went up to the patient.

partner: “Come on, let’s go.”
patient: (refuses)
cop who warned me: “You can either go to the hospital, or go to jail!!”
patient: “Well then, I guess I’m going to jail!”
everyone: (incredulously) “What?!”

When people are given this choice, no one, and I mean no one chooses jail. I mean, why would you? Going to the hospital can sometimes be a get out of jail free card, as you are probably crazy. We were all justifiably shocked, but at this point, my partner and I slowly backed away before she changed her mind.

The second time we were called to this particular corner was almost exactly a week later. This patient was not only in her 60s, but walking with a walker! She was definitely heard before she was seen, as she was screaming her head off about random things. Again, bike police, paddy wagon, and a slew of other police cars. An officer leaned down to me:

cop: “Good luck with this one.”
me: (this sounds familiar)
cop: “Yeah, she pulled a knife on us earlier.”
me: “Great...um, you mean like that one?”
patient: (had pulled a butter knife out of her purse and began waving it wildly at the surrounding officers)
cop: “dammit!”
cops: (wrested the knife from the lady, took her purse away, and smiled sheepishly at us)
patient: “That’s okay, I’ve got more at home!!”

We finally got her in the ambo after she determined that we were not communists and my partner buckled her in safely. The patient continued to shout randomly, expletives and otherwise such as “Poland!” and later “Slavery!!” She also told us the wrong name, and said that she was “22!!!” when we asked how old she was. Thank God I was driving because I was totally caught in the giggle loop. I’m glad she didn’t stab me, because if I had been stabbed with a butter knife by a 60 year old lady using a walker, I could have never told the story.

She didn’t make any more threatening gestures and we left her in the capable hands of the hospital security officers.

If we go back to that corner for another out of control retiree, I’m going to be freaked out!