Gym Class

Oh, how gullible I've become. Fuelled by having friends willing to go to the gym with me, I agreed to take a class with them. Yeah, the kind where techno music is blaring while an overly-energetic leader shouts things at people. And of course, loads of public embarrassment. Oh, and don't forget the mirror lined walls so we can all see how awesome we are.
The class we chose to experience first was called 'body combat' which to me was equally intriguing and amusing. Right off the bat, the annoying remixes were playing and the guy in charge was shouting something indecipherable and it seemed like everyone there knew what was going on except for me.

I was shamefully brought back to 9th grade show choir and my pathetic attempts to not participate. If I had not been 14 when I joined that choir, I might have been good. But instead I was a brainless idiot who thought, wrongly again, that I was being civilly disobedient in just not giving a crap. Really, I was just lazy. Believe me, I was not too cool for that choir and boy was I bad. I was notoriously and constantly one beat behind everyone else and rightly moved to the back so the rest of the choir could hide me and pretend I didn't exist. A very appropriate move. I have long been convinced that I am uncoordinated, but the truth is, if I had given it even 10% of the effort it deserved, I probably would have done okay. As it was, I'm not sure I even committed any of it to memory and just followed whatever the person in front of me was doing. Stupid. Alas, 14 year-olds!

But back to the point. This class was like singing along to a song without knowing the words. Instead of deteriorating into unintelligible nonsense words, vaguely resembling the melody, I kind of did whatever came to me, which in this case was feebly punching the air and bouncing randomly on my feet.
The instructors enthusiasm was like nothing I'd ever seen. He was like a movie character; I didn't think people like him really existed. It was like he had chugged 15 Red Bulls right before the class and the results were hilarious. When I wasn't laughing at my own struggles, I was laughing at his silliness.
“Feel the power!” “Without core, you don't know the score!” “4 more times, he-yaa!”
“This is a battle!” “Everybody: KEEE YAAH!”
And maybe all that stuff is helpful, but I am still too apathetic to go along with it. I'd be equally inspired if he just said “Let's get through this so we can eat dinner.” or “Muddle through and I'll give you a high five either way.”

Certainly observing the other class members made me feel slightly less silly. Although they were all following him perfectly, they were also super into it and the girls were suspiciously under dressed and enthusiastic. In hindsight, I'm not sure they were there entirely to punch and kick the air and after quite a girly discussion on the subject, I can say with more authority that most girls only bother to show up to fuel their fantasies of this high-kicking instructor.

My friend who had participated in this silliness before assured me 'Don't worry, next week you'll understand what he's saying.'
Oh, great.
That is assuming I'll be able to walk again by then.

Comments

Anne said…
I can so relate to feeling inept in a group class. My favorite positive memory in such circumstances came from a NIA exercise class (my first, in which I was following along only occasionally, and remarkably pathetically) after which the instructor told me--with a totally sincere expression--"I really liked the way you adapted the moves for yourself."
Emily said…
That is hilarious. I can picture it now!
Unknown said…
Steve and his magic wonders..hahhaha

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