You can do stuff...for money?!

I’ve applied for a job. Yes, a job, me. Hard to believe, I know, but a little petty cash never hurt anyone. I’ll be working for a private ambo transport service (snore!) but I only have to work 12 hours every two weeks, so it’s not so bad.
I’ve learned so far that the pre-hire process is really annoying. My last job interview was about 5 years ago and for that job; I applied, was interviewed on the spot, my label maker name tag was printed out, and two days later I was happily greeting customers at my first real job.
If only it were that easy for this job. I applied and was interviewed the next day (which was nice, giving me less time to back out of it.) Then I’m told they need a pre-hire drug test, a copy of my passport, a picture of me in a zebra costume, a valid blockbuster video card, a physical, and various other things.

Now, about this ‘pre-hire drug test.’ Luckily I read the paper that said that* I had to get it within 48 hours of my interview, or they would make me watch my favorite movie while they made fun of it.
So, I called the place where I could get the test to figure what the best time would be for me to come in. It’s been a busy weekend so I didn’t really have time to wait around.
“Oh, we’re open 24/7 except on Saturdays we close at noon and Sundays we’re not open at all.” Right. And all this time I thought that the ‘7’ in 24/7 referred to the number of days in a week. They’re actually open 24/5.5. Good to know. They assured me that I didn’t need an appointment, but I brought a book just in case.
I found the lab easily enough, when I got there I couldn’t help but feel a shady vibe. It looked like the kind of place in after-school specials where the misguided teen is getting a pregnancy test, on the outskirts of town, no chance of running into family friends. It's the kind of place where even the office staff wear scrubs, as if this means that these people know what they’re doing. Believe me, just because you have scrubs on does not imply that you know anything. I did see an employee with a stethoscope, and not a cheap one either, which comforted me.
I didn’t have to wait too long which was great and I think I had as much fun as anyone could have while taking a drug test.

I’ve also been to the cath lab clinical site. It was pretty cool as I got to watch a regular cath, balloon angioplasty, and a stent placement. I didn’t really do anything except help to move patients and take vitals.

Yesterday we had our ACLS ‘bridge’ class and exam. After being kindly informed* that if we didn’t perform well the junior class could start as many IVs on us as they wanted, we we’re all pretty freaked out about it. It turned out to be a pleasant day and we all passed. I also got to meet a squirrel that came into the room while I was being evaluated.
After that, Ewing and I went to check out the river we’ve kayaked as it’s been raining for 2 days straight here. The word ‘wow!’ encompasses my emotions. It was truly unbelievable, the amount of water that had accumulated in such a short time. You couldn’t pay me to go on the river as it is now. I believe that I would die, and by die I mean cease to exist. Even if I survived the rocks, strainers, undercurrent, eddies, and the extremely accelerated current, going over the now unavoidable dams would probably hurt a bit.
Now, my weekend can finally start. If only it weren’t for the test and paper on Tuesday. Such is life.

*blatantly threatened

Comments

Anonymous said…
You think that is crazy? I had to attend an orientation, fill out a pre-application, pass a physical test, pass a written test, get fingerprinted, fill out a 25 page application, go to an interview, take a polygraph, get a medical screening, get a psychological screening, and then maybe, if I am lucky, I will get a job. Phew.
Anonymous said…
When I find someone who cares, I'll let you know.

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