I'll be honest

I love my job. I love it even if I'm dealing with people who are drunk, high, stoned, or generally out of it thanks to street pharmacology. My favorite time with these patients is when they inevitably start a sentence with "Okay, I'll be honest..." This almost always leads to hilarity.

Yesterday we had a patient who had been unconscious in her car. By the time we got there, I was admittedly disappointed that she was out of the car and I wouldn't be breaking any windows. She was also conscious and yet still quite disassociated from reality. She was already on the cot in the ambo, attempting to explain herself. She couldn't remember how she got to where we were, where she came from, or where she was going. So my partner attempted to start at the beginning. "Well, where did you wake up this morning?" When this became difficult to answer she said: "Okay, I'll be honest with you. I smoked a lot of crack today." You did?! No way. She continued to wonder aloud about how she got here, how her chocolate bar got all over her pants and shirt, and the suddenly asked: "Hey, where's my hat?!" Uh, how should we know, we were a little more concerned with you being unconscious than what was on your head. She seemed not to believe that she had been unconscious and mused about where she could have left her hat. "Do you think I would leave the house without a hat?!" she asked, reaching toward her disheveled hair. Well, you left the house after smoking a lot of crack, your pants are falling down, your shirt is stained and now you can't remember how you got here, or where you left from, so I guess it's believable that you would leave without a hat. Thankfully while driving aimlessly in a drug induced high she managed not to drive into a school yard or a bus full of old people.
She refused to go to the hospital, and went to jail instead.

While I was in London we got on a call for a guy who was unconscious on the street. It was easy to see once we arrived that he was totally drunk, took a short nap on the pavement and a kind citizen had called 999, thinking that he needed help. That kind citizen though, couldn't manage to stick around long enough for the ambulance to arrive. Not an uncommon job. He couldn't even stand up he was so drunk, and of course, like everyone on Earth, had only had two beers. Several minutes later, after many attempts to simply get him to go on his way, he said: "Okay, I'll be honest." Ooh, thanks. "I'mmmm Pissssed!!" Tell us something that's not painfully obvious.

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