The miracle drug

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We’ve had a whole mess of calls where ice cream could have been realized as a powerhouse drug in the prehospital environment. Amiodarone is to cardiac problems as ice cream is to everything else.

We had a call for a fall. We found an 80+ year old lady who fell from standing and broke her wrist, her pelvis, was knocked out for about a minute and ended up with a concussion as well. Osteoporosis is a harsh reality, so keep eating that ice cream!

Guy having pain from his sciatic nerve. Treatment: Ice cream topped with morphine.

Chest pain with sinus arrhythmia 100-160. Treatment: Ice cream with bits of nitro in it. Worked like a charm.

We had a lady with more complaints that all of my previous patients put together ever. "I can't feel my legs, and my arms hurt, and I have heartburn, and yeah, now that you mention it, I am having trouble breathing. Also, my back hurts, I can't stand up, I feel tired. I'm thirsty." I said: "Here's a quart of breyers, call me in the morning."

A woman who got pushed into a wall by her crazy mother. "You're sure you want to go to the hospital, because I think this ice cream will change your mind."
Crazy guy who wanted a cigarette, how about a bowl of cookies and cream instead?

In addition: hypoglycemia, hyperthermia, headaches, and crankiness in general. Forget ice packs, just rest that bowl of mint chocolate chip on your bumps and bruises, amazing.
I’m ordering my in-ambulance freezer right now!

*not suitable for patients with lactose intolerance.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I love it! :D
11 September, 2006
Unknown said…
lmao! ice cream cures everything :-)
11 September, 2006
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