Ellie's Guide to Online Dating
Okay, I'm just going to throw it out there, because I am not ashamed to admit that I am lonely. I am now a card carrying, real money paying, t-shirt wearing, annoying commercial making member of everyone's favorite online dating service: eharmony.com. Okay, I am a little shamed. It's mostly the paying money to meet strangers that bothers me. But, I figure that no matter how I meet people, it will cost me money. Online dating costs less than taking a class, going to bars, getting arrested for selling myself on the street, and those shady mail order husbands. Plus, all of the embarrassing rejection takes place in my house and is witnessed only by my cat.
So I am doing a trial run. The basic facts are these. If you don't find anyone at school, work, or through your friends, you won't find anyone. Well, that's my theory anyway. I don't have the time or money right now to begin higher educational pursuits, and everyone at work is older, creepy, or married. The through friends option for me is running out, considering that by the end of this year, all of them will be married, to each other. So my next option is to venture out onto the superhighway of love.
I've figured out that e-harmony is the working person's dating service. They do pretty much all of the leg work for you. They find the "match" send it to you for approval, and then you send them some generic questions. At some point, the match sends some generic questions back to you. In theory, this progresses to reading the rest of their very revealing profile, and eventually actually talking to them. Well, by talking to them, I think I mean e-mail them, but I haven't gotten to that yet. It's very structured and slow for safety's sake. Eventually you can even go on real dates, I am assured of that by that gray haired guy on TV. Then the shroud of the internet can be pulled back, and all pretense lost. We can date like real humans, and hopefully still like eachother in person.
Although, maybe I have it wrong and the whole thing forces you to base your relationship solely on online personas, and not physical people. Your first date is actually your wedding date. Or it's when you tape your commercial while you hold hands and gush about how wonderful you each are and that those 29 dimensions of compatibility are just magic.
Basically there are two majority important aspects to online dating.
1. Your profile.
-Honesty seems to be the key, but don't reveal all of your crazy at once. Use small doses.
-When things seem too good to be true, I worry that they are in fact, too good to be true. For example: “I’m a personal trainer working on my law degree so I can do pro bono cases. I love to cook and play acoustic guitar and write my own love songs. My favorite movie is ‘Notting Hill’, I admit I love the chick flicks! I’m independently wealthy and will worship the ground you walk on, (if you’re the right girl!) In my spare time I buy homeless people clothes and help old ladies across the street." This is more believable/acceptable as long as the accompanying pictures offer some proof and include you climbing a mountain, living it up in exotic locals, or playing your favorite sport without a shirt on (which is fine, by the way).
-Humor is good, but some real answers would be nice too. Yeah, I know that answering questions about yourself feels silly, but there is no way that you should fit the word 'communism' into every answer. It loses something.
-TV should not make it onto the list of five things you can't live without.
2. Your pictures.
-Do not post pictures of yourself where it is obvious that your ex-girlfriend is cut out. We can tell. Unless you are actually missing your arm from the shoulder, or you have no hair on one side of your head, those pictures are no good.
-Do not post pictures where you are drunk or drinking. Again, we can tell. What else could be in that red Solo party cup but a crappy beer, fresh out of a keg? That's right, mixed drinks with an obscene ratio of alcohol to juice/soda.
-When considering a picture to post, submit it to a friend that is a girl and not your mother for approval.(Making sure they have your best interests at heart.) That's the best solution I can come up with to prevent some really bad and possibly misleading pictures from getting out there.
-I will concede that a bad picture is better than no picture at all.
That being said, do you think it is appropriate to post a picture of yourself licking an iceberg? Hypothetical question, of course.
So I am doing a trial run. The basic facts are these. If you don't find anyone at school, work, or through your friends, you won't find anyone. Well, that's my theory anyway. I don't have the time or money right now to begin higher educational pursuits, and everyone at work is older, creepy, or married. The through friends option for me is running out, considering that by the end of this year, all of them will be married, to each other. So my next option is to venture out onto the superhighway of love.
I've figured out that e-harmony is the working person's dating service. They do pretty much all of the leg work for you. They find the "match" send it to you for approval, and then you send them some generic questions. At some point, the match sends some generic questions back to you. In theory, this progresses to reading the rest of their very revealing profile, and eventually actually talking to them. Well, by talking to them, I think I mean e-mail them, but I haven't gotten to that yet. It's very structured and slow for safety's sake. Eventually you can even go on real dates, I am assured of that by that gray haired guy on TV. Then the shroud of the internet can be pulled back, and all pretense lost. We can date like real humans, and hopefully still like eachother in person.
Although, maybe I have it wrong and the whole thing forces you to base your relationship solely on online personas, and not physical people. Your first date is actually your wedding date. Or it's when you tape your commercial while you hold hands and gush about how wonderful you each are and that those 29 dimensions of compatibility are just magic.
Basically there are two majority important aspects to online dating.
1. Your profile.
-Honesty seems to be the key, but don't reveal all of your crazy at once. Use small doses.
-When things seem too good to be true, I worry that they are in fact, too good to be true. For example: “I’m a personal trainer working on my law degree so I can do pro bono cases. I love to cook and play acoustic guitar and write my own love songs. My favorite movie is ‘Notting Hill’, I admit I love the chick flicks! I’m independently wealthy and will worship the ground you walk on, (if you’re the right girl!) In my spare time I buy homeless people clothes and help old ladies across the street." This is more believable/acceptable as long as the accompanying pictures offer some proof and include you climbing a mountain, living it up in exotic locals, or playing your favorite sport without a shirt on (which is fine, by the way).
-Humor is good, but some real answers would be nice too. Yeah, I know that answering questions about yourself feels silly, but there is no way that you should fit the word 'communism' into every answer. It loses something.
-TV should not make it onto the list of five things you can't live without.
2. Your pictures.
-Do not post pictures of yourself where it is obvious that your ex-girlfriend is cut out. We can tell. Unless you are actually missing your arm from the shoulder, or you have no hair on one side of your head, those pictures are no good.
-Do not post pictures where you are drunk or drinking. Again, we can tell. What else could be in that red Solo party cup but a crappy beer, fresh out of a keg? That's right, mixed drinks with an obscene ratio of alcohol to juice/soda.
-When considering a picture to post, submit it to a friend that is a girl and not your mother for approval.(Making sure they have your best interests at heart.) That's the best solution I can come up with to prevent some really bad and possibly misleading pictures from getting out there.
-I will concede that a bad picture is better than no picture at all.
That being said, do you think it is appropriate to post a picture of yourself licking an iceberg? Hypothetical question, of course.
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”Online Dating”