A Work in Progress

Having house guests had the desired effect on me. We ate plenty of meals at regular intervals, rearranged the living room (for the better) and hung out like normal humans. My fridge was stocked and I bought a new chair. I learned I can deal with a dog, but that whole 24 hour job thing still gets in the way. In addition, they brought their bikes here and we had to justify that. I've been biking more in the last month than I have in the last three and it feels good and bad to be back on that track. I am reminded that the bike was expensive and I have to take it out to justify it. I was also reminded that if you stop exercise, it doesn't take long to feel like an out of shape lazy-ass. Inspired by my house guests' fitness, I have started back at the gym, which I immediately regretted when I climbed stairs the next day. But, fear not! Especially if it keeps snowing and unseasonable amount, I will have no reason to avoid it. The biking has been great and with only a f...

It is simple and concise. Far from elegant thoughtful yet chaotic, typed and careful. Paragraphs and lists. These are the reasons, the pains and unmet needs. The counting of the blessings. Thankful for the good times, it reassures and probably, assumes too much. This whole life in a few lines. Are these words enough, this simple correspondence. Enough for forgiveness, for understanding. Is it long enough to heal a broken heart. Is it desperate enough to make it okay, to pull the trigger.

I've been back a year today.  It feels somehow like a far longer time has passed.  A lot has happened, unhappened, and rehappened.  It's almost as though nothing has changed, though everything has.  And now I am out of 'life changes, deal with it' type statements.  It's been a great year!  And strange, but I am beginning to feel that strange is the new normal.  I haven't done anything with my degree from last year except to hang it on the wall.  I only yesterday applied for an internship that I am probably not qualified for.  But who cares?  I still love my job and the people I work with.  The commute is getting annoying and the pay stagnet, but at the end of the day, it's employment.  And that alone is saying something.  I would like to avoid lateral career moves, but something closer to home might be nice.  The photo selling wild ass plan is...um, going, and will probably be on hiatus until the spring.  After...

A few weeks ago we went on a chest pain call.  Chest pain is really our bread and butter, and most of the time it's people who have stable angina that just didn't go away.  Every once in a while, we get the good old STEMI, which is our decisive way to 'diagnose' a heart attack in the field.  These patients, like this one, stand out from typical chest pain calls.  They are often writhing around, unable to get comfortable, sweating like crazy, pale, and of course, have crushing chest pain.  This patient was pretty classic.  And as soon as I saw that it is not all dramatics, we headed straight to the nearest interventional cath lab.  I love these kinds of calls.  They are the times that I feel like we're doing what we're meant to do.  I sent the EKG tracing ahead of us so that they could assemble the cath team.  I love when they take us seriously.  'The cardiologist loved your EKG.' one of the doctors told me when we arrived. So, we ...